keeping fragile control. barely in control. hard not to mind it. learn not to expect anything. grow used to it. take deep breaths. try not to hyperventilate. clench and unclench fists. sleep and pretend not to notice. watch silently from one side. and do nothing. dunno what to do anyway. does it even matter? would it even help? too many unknowns. snap out of it. do not emo. but try too hard. fail. still emo. try not to cry then. not yet anyway. i want to care. but apparently it's none of my business. probably never has been. never will be. keep wishing. thought i was used to it. thought i didn't mind it anymore. thought i didn't care. apparently it's something you never get used to. no matter how many times, it hits with the same impact. dunno what i'm doing. dunno what i'm thinking. dunno what i want. dunno why i keep returning. such strong impulses. and i only know how to follow them. irrationally. rant, rant, rant.
keeping fragile control. barely in control. hard not to mind it. learn not to expect anything. grow used to it. take deep breaths. try not to hyperventilate. clench and unclench fists. sleep and pretend not to notice. watch silently from one side. and do nothing. dunno what to do anyway. does it even matter? would it even help? too many unknowns. snap out of it. do not emo. but try too hard. fail. still emo. try not to cry then. not yet anyway. i want to care. but apparently it's none of my business. probably never has been. never will be. keep wishing. thought i was used to it. thought i didn't mind it anymore. thought i didn't care. apparently it's something you never get used to. no matter how many times, it hits with the same impact. dunno what i'm doing. dunno what i'm thinking. dunno what i want. dunno why i keep returning. such strong impulses. and i only know how to follow them. irrationally. rant, rant, rant.
jo-
cries,
spams,
whines,
hyperventilates,
melts,
sublimes,
fan-girls,
goes hysterical,
is ultimately inefficient,
oversleeps,
and eats bread.
<3 st nicks
parmalat!
2pm
anime
floorball (though i'm not in it)
wind chimes
bass guitar
kajiura yuki
artemis fowl
fantasy
coffeebean mocha.latte.blackforest.cake.
spiders
showers
honour roll-
ion (my double bass)
tamby! (my tambourine)
cassandra black
marmalade heart
hakuryu v 1.3 (my phone)
millefeuille (my revived laptop :D)
caramel (my piano)
mantoushoutaomomo (the Lala)!
crabstick Ang ku kueh (the Splurge)!
koroke, (the takoyaki-flavoured tofu (no longer) hanging on my spoilt phone)
